Top 10 Ways to Fix iPhone 4 Woes
Having trouble with your iPhone 4 voice reception? You're not alone. Thankfully Apple has made it clear with press release after press release that it's not their fault, it's ours. And they're right! Apple can only do so much; if people keep messing up so badly they're going to have to buckle under the preassure and release a fully working product! Let's hope that never happens, and with that in mind we at Load Save have found the top 10 ways on how to fix your mistakes!
10. Minimize contact with non-Apple entities.
Have you come across or talked to someone who might have owned or used a PC recently? That's a big problem. As we have learned from cooties in elemetary school, PC users can affect the harmonious balance that Mac and iPhone users enjoy in their everyday lives. Being near or even making eye contact with a possible PC infectant can cause serious damage to your self-esteem and more importantly, iPhone reception.
9. Stand in line correctly.
Did you stand in line for hours in the morning cold for that special something called the iPhone 4 only to be betrayed by its bad signal reception? Well, recent studies popping up on the Internet suggests that people might have been waiting and standing in line incorrectly, making those people unworthy of a fully working phone. Just like pre-natal care, the pre-release rituals are important to ensure a healthy connection between the user and their brand new addition to the family. If you stood in line but weren't particularly excited or had the audacity to order online and not wait at all, this might be the cause of your problems. Problems can also arise if you sat down at any time during the wait or waited less than five hours in the cold. We suggest you line up again, and do it properly for the sake of your iPhone 4.
8. Read CNN.
7. Paint your iPhone to look like a working phone.
Those silver sides scream "LOL" when spotted by other people. They know what you have, and they know it's not working. Try painting the sides to black and pretend it's an older model or a competitor's product. Apply a fresh coat of paint every other weekend, to avoid fading.
6. I'll just leave this here..
5. Grow hairy hands.
The bad reception is caused by you and those annoying hands of yours. That skin around your hands that you like so much is what stops the poor iPhone 4 from working like it should. "Terrorist hands" is what we call them at the office. Terrorists hands that hate freedom and reception. We suggest drinking and masaging your hand with Rogaine or other hair growing products to minimize the contact between skin and the phone. The more hair you have, the more padding there is between you and your product. If need be, please consider hair transplant surgery. It doesn't hurt that much. The guy below has exellent reception:
4. Pretend it works.
The call dropped? Don't look at your phone perplexed. Keep talking! Pretend it never happened! It's your pride versus reality. Don't let reality win! If anything, when the dropped calls happen, act louder and more smugly and set an example to others whose faith in Apple might be waning.
Talking on the phone? That's so June 2010. Avoid the whole reception mess and text to your heart's content. If people complain about your texts, just say that they need to move on. Move on to what, I don't know, but something like "move on with the program" is a popular overused useless phrase that works instantly on most people. Plus, you get to use U for 'you', N for 'and', R for 'are', etc..! That's c00l u know!
2. Use extra long thumbs or foil as antennas.
Finally, a use for your freak of nature long thumbs! If you're gifted with such a feature, then holding the iPhone in such a way as the picture above should increase your reception to 10, no, 20 bars! Congratulations! You are the envy among us non-deformed users.
If you're not one of the chosen ones, foil will do! It worked for TVs and paranoia nuts for decades, so the iPhone is a natural progression for this do it all material! Be creative, make heart or penis-shaped antennas to add that extra something in your favorite product.
1. Hope to god a pharmaceutical company makes a pill for it.
Is Boneva right for you? Ask your doctor! This is the next major breakthrough for drug companies! Money is just sitting there for the company that makes a pill that increases cell phone reception, even if it's just one bar! I can see the commercial now:
"I used to get dropped calls all the time. It caused financial hardship on our family and decreased my sex life. That's when I decided to talk to my doctor. My doctor recommended I take BS. BS is a 5 time a day pill that in studies have shown ton increase reception in your phone. Do not take BS while pregnant or during full moons."