Abstinence: The Video Game

There is an abstinence game being created by the University of Central Florida with $400k+ of taxpayer money. The game is directed at middle school girls to help them handle and cope with sexual advances.

From the article:

Fox News Orlando reports that the University of Central Florida is hard at work developing a videogame geared towards female middle school students intended to teach them skills for handling peer pressure relating to sex. The game places them in social situations and they make choices and score points for demonstrating appropriate responses to offers of sexual activity and innuendo from onscreen avatars.

..The game uses a full motion-capture suit. They're going to put kids in motion-capture suits and have them act out rejecting male students.

That's great. Abstinence has a great track record of success. It tackles the major topic of sex by completely ignoring it. I wish they could apply this type of thinking to other fields, so they could be more successful. Just imagine if firefighters simply just said no to fires, instead of stupidly practicing and honing their firefighting skills day after day. College too. There is so much pressure to go to a good university and perform in front of others. Whatever happened to winning the lottery or gold digging? Just plain tragic.

I can't wait for this game to come out. Sure, it will never get out of the test phase and forces you to wear a full body suit. This ensures that it will only be played by a small number of people close to the location, but like abstinence, it's the thought that counts.

While we are waiting for this future game of the year/Nobel prize winner, here are some other ideas on how to promote abstinence:

Go Lesbian:

Lots and lots of lesbianism. Girls should go all out because it's safe and requires no boys. Bondage and video recordings are highly recommended to keep things light and fun. They should stick with this strategy until marriage, to safely avoid the evil penis until they meet the person they will be stuck with in the rest of their lives.

iPhone 4 without the rubber case:

If they can't receive calls then they can't hook up, right!? Perfect way of technology helping our youth, by killing all communication with the outside world.

Condoms:

Why don't we try something crazy and  give safe sex a try? Oh wait the pope says no, we better listen. Let's move on.

The joys of STDs:

Best way to win an argument or conversation? Fear of course. Tell your kids that STDs such as cancer and high blood pressure can come from just the first session of intercourse!

Video Games:

No, not for the girl, it's for the boyfriend! If your girl has a guy, make sure your house is full of the latest video games and systems! Halo, Call of Duty, headsets; these things are so much better in value than your daughter to the boyfriend. Best possible scenario would be the picture above. Look at that abstinence Mario, he sure knows a thing or two about  his hook up being in another castle.

Self Service:

Why wait for a partner when you've always had one at the palm of your hand? Cheap and efficient, it's perfect for that gadget loving teen. The good thing is that there is a lot of variety, so free up that Saturday and go spend time with the kids looking for just the right one!

Hmm.. with all these ideas maybe we should be the ones applying for a government grant!